Breaking Free from the Toxic Thought Cycle
"It shouldn't be this way"
"Why couldn't he/she have done this!?"
"If only THIS would have happened, things would have worked out differently"
*insert frustration, sadness, and a very toxic, exhausting emotional cycle*
When you can witness the internal narrative and can acknowledge that it's on repeat and not serving any progress, it's time to introduce a few integration practices.
I want to share some very practical tips of what really serves me when I find my thoughts are looping and I've got sucked into a bit of a dark space but I know it's time to get out..
1. BECOME THE WITNESS - notice that your thoughts are on repeat and the energy you are giving them. Understand that each time you think of this experience, you are bringing your mind and body into a state of re-living the traumatic experience (you're brain doesn't know the difference between something that's happened in the past or what's being currently experienced, so you are literally switching the nervous system ON and giving your body the signals of "fight, flight or freeze")….ever wondered why you're feeling so damn exhausted?
2. MINDFULNESS - bring attention to the present moment. Come back to the current energy in the body and your breath. Take some even, long inhalations and exhalations (inhale 1, 2, 3, exhale 1, 2, 3) to come back to presence. You can bring one hand to your heart and the other to your belly to help feel into the body.
When you find yourself in a calmer state….
3. ALLOWING - acknowledging that you're feeling reactive and triggered, and that's totally fine, but also acknowledge what you do and don't have control over in this present moment.
i.e. "I don't have control over his/her actions, but I DO have control of my REactions, energy and time I am giving him/her/these thoughts"
4. RE-DIRECTING THOUGHTS & ENERGY - every time the triggering thoughts come up and you find yourself going down the unproductive, looping cycle, tell yourself a new story,
i.e. from "why couldn't he/she have done this"
Replace it with something like "he/she did everything he/she was willing to do and I cannot change that"
"I put my energy towards my healing and growth"
Put your energy towards something positive (and healthy!), something that brings you joy, whether it be finally doing something you've been putting off for a while, a class you'd like to attend, or having a nice chat with a friend, a walk out in nature etc.
Once you've found that you're in a space where your automatic responses are less reactive, stressful or traumatic, I invite you to now look at the LESSONS.
Write them out.
Write a new plan of action, a new way of responding when you are triggered.
….
An important piece to become aware of here is that the toxic thought cycle with emotional highs and lows is an ADDICTIVE one, and like with any addiction, it is giving you benefit of some sort.
This is your EGO in its finest form, and you see, the Ego doesn’t want you to expand.
It wants you to stay small… so this toxic cycle is keeping you sucked in and is essentially benefiting you by preventing your progression and healing.
This cycle is a big distraction mechanism from the work and healing that has to be done.. so in order to do that, we have to let go of the EGO and reconnect to presence and to the Heart.
This can be very confronting and emotional.
If you feel you’ve fallen into this cycle and you’re not sure why you feel that you can’t let go of the blame, being the victim and pointing fingers, I invite you to come back to your heart and do some self-enquiry and journaling around:
What are the lessons here
What support do I need going forward so I can heal, grow and learn from this experience so I can stop repeating the same cycles
Where can I better put my time and energy to stop re-living the past and trying to predict the future… where can I put my time and energy right now so I can pave my own path forward in the direction that I choose, not dependent on anyone else’s actions or NON-actions.
This is such an important piece of work for Empowerment and Healing.
If you’re looking for support and guidance on how to break free from toxic cycles in your life, pave your unique path forward and embark on your healing journey, I’d like to invite you to my 1:1 Mentorship Program where I teach these fundamental themes and many valuable, life-changing, supportive practices, guiding your Soul Journey.
Much love,
Bel xx
